Mossback Tough

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Small farmer rancher homesteader garderner horticulturist child of life experience

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Sitting in the sun watching the wind move the leaves

Sitting here in the little office doing bookwork is wonderful.  I can look out over about a third of my property spotting the horses, goats, wildlife, and the grass grow this time of year.  Doves or whippoorwills eat seeds and bugs in the pen close to this window, spring sun shines in over where I sit making it very warm and cozy in this small room.  Come summer I will see changes occur most noticeable will be the change in when I can sit in this room as it heats up so the shades come down and the window will get a cover to keep the sun from hitting it in the main part of the day. 

I am thinking of making an apple sausage, red pepper, onion, tomato, & pasta dish for dinner.  I have not gotten to cook much this last tax season as 50-60 hour days wore me out most of the time.  But simple foods are being craved by me right now.  Soft scrambled eggs and ham with a simple sour dough bread toast and early salad greens.  Stews served over rustic mashed potatoes with sliced apples for a sweet ending.  Dan is wanting white bean and ham soup with cornbread and a salad. Chili served over baked potatoes with a veggie gelation side and a cookie.  Tuna dinner salads with an avocado dressing and sliced bananas with a hit of cinnamon and sugar for desert.  Quartered hard boiled eggs, radish, celery, and other finger veggies with a dip and slices of chocolate cake with chocolate icing and about a tablespoon of cream poured over the cake.   

Some will shutter, but I know it is better to eat then to relapse into drinking again.  I have been having dreams of relapse.  Dreams I was hiding and drinking.  Not good to wake up from then having to go check to make sure it was not real.  Some of the locations cool- European and South American locals- were lovely, but the things I did drinking the hiding, was not good.  Getting out from under the day in day out work of doing taxes- fear of mistakes, losing my job, causing someone pain due to an error, and other related fears do cause pain for me at times.  I can still feel the stress of not being able to get everything done I said I would last time in a timely manner.  Even my own return.  Better be getting that mudra going, what was it again oh yea- Shit happens, so let it roll off your back.  

Starting over to the every so often blog entries, returning to doing things I love cooking, homemaking, gardening, and just hearing the quite for a change.  With Ol' Army Man going to school I will not have to spend all my time with him this spring and summer.  I am looking forward to the change and to the quite reflecting time I will be able to have.  Turn down the go-go-go he often has me in so I keep up with his stuff but not my own.  He did it to me today.  I had plans so did he so his plans took the auto give me a lift to do his stuff but not mine.  Now I am in a worry about my word being mud.  Dang I had putting myself into this position as his memory loss, forgetfulness, and single minded driving force at times shows more than others.  I just was not up to fighting him today so I let it slide.  I need to recall he has been alone as well these past 4 months as we each went our own way for hours and hours each week.   

I will work on forgiving tonight hopefully then things will be less stressful by Friday when I go see my crew at the Farewell to Tax Year 2012 Luncheon on Friday in Eugene Oregon at the Red Lobster.  None of us have ever been to Red Lobster for lunch and most have never been at all so wanted to give it a try.  I am trying to plan things so I do not feel stuck at home with Ol' Army Man or the dogs 24/7 this year.  We will see if these plans can last but at least it is a plan of action this year rather then the wait and see plan we went with after last tax season.  

Take care, 

Ol' Mossback Me.