Mossback Tough

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Small farmer rancher homesteader garderner horticulturist child of life experience

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Today is a day of beginnings.  I am at a place in my life were I am beginning to doubt myself, beginning to change the way I do things, have begun to put new ways into doing things these last few weeks.  Ol' Army guy is in deep trouble.  He has massive amounts of seepage in his eyes from high blood sugar and high blood pressure maybe caused by heart episode he had in May.  We had been trying to things in our house sense May to begin a change.  More beans less meat, less fat, more broil or boil, less pop more tea, you see the trend.  Ol' Army guy just does not want to give up his meat and corn/potato/starch meals for stir fries, tofu, or hummus and baked chips.  He is not wanting to try new vegetables, he will not give up his head lettuce for romaine or leaf lettuces.  He is reading up on corn, gmo's, and how adding fruits and veggies helps a body. 

To tell you the truth I am not far behind Ol' Army guy in health issues in many ways.  Higher than normal blood sugar, less energy, no muscle to walk far, and a great deal more weight than a body should ever have to deal with in any way one can think of.  Hell it happened one day at a time now to change it back one day at a time too.  at 404 lbs. I am a big girl, a person who is really more round than upright.  I still have muscle just not what I use to have.  I love and hate that my Ol' Army guy never really tells me I look awful but then he does not touch me but a few times a year for sex either.  He tells me it is from all the meds he is on I am beginning to think it is also easier for him to say that than to tell me I do not turn his dick hard any longer.  In the end it is a mixed together and leads us into good friends who sleep together category.  Funny thing is I know what to do when I am overweight just do not know what to do to not be overweight.  I mean thinking ways not just more energy, more freedom to go to movies and church where I can seat in the seats.  I mean what does one think of to get thin, stay thin, be thin.  I have forgotten what it is to think that way without the confusion in the way.  I purchased some sun dresses this year. I sure know now what I feel when I think I look really fat and really ugglee white trash fat look like inside.  I do not want to leave the house, do not want to go into stores.  I hate we do not have money to make this transition simple with an operation, or weight loss group.  I am so lost so I take things one day at a time one step at a time.  I am off to go get my ACV and stevia drink now.  It is seeming to help me get different faster than anything so far.  I will write more soon.