Who would care if I relapsed? Not many in this world would really even know. My middle son thinks he has the corner on being addicted. My oldest tells me well I don't think it is so that you needed AA, but it is up to you. Hell I have been sober for 22 plus years the oldest is 29 does he think he recalls all the times I was less than there in this world because I was drunk or hung over? Does he know how well I hid my drinking? Drank after the kids went to bed. Dad took care of them if he knew I was bad off in the morning. To them I was just sleeping in or grumpy, what did they recall.
Today was day 9 of not being off the place except to work one day last week. The Jeep had been back 2 days but dang it as Old Army Man was the one who drove in to town to get away from the place. Left me here to handle things due to this or that. It was okay until I got into the car to take us to town today and found the belt on the auto had broken and the Jeep was not drivable. Drove right back to the house once I figured out there was not going to be a fun day if I drove away from home any father.
DD came to come pick me up and we went to town and purchase such needed items as female pads. Heck, it is a fact of life with an older mother of 3, overweight, who has bladder problems to have a need for the pads. Picked up some mid to medium sized containers to put flours, sugars, oatmeal and such in as the mice have decided to eat their way into all my packaging I had been using. Plastic containers had been breached. New battle plans had to be devised. Now to get spay paint to freshen up the look of some of the old popcorn cans, or to make chalk boards on the bottles to put labels on them.
I right now feel like a beer or wine, beer to get lost, wine to relax and fade into the wood work. I need to work one second at a time one minute at at time to get though this. I have too much invested in being sober to turn tail and run backwards right now. I hate the drinking dreams. Waking up in the sweats hoping it was a dream and not a black out you were waking up from.
Pop is my friend, coffee, tea, juices, and even the awful dreadful thing called water is my friend. Yea laugh but there was times in my life were I had more beer or wine in me than water so give me a break it works to keep me sober. It is the thinking that is the real part I have to work at keeping sane so I don't relapse. Thinking oh it is just okay for one drink, oh it is fine for me today I have deserved it, oh man I could use a cold one right now, wow this meal sure would taste good with a beer or wine would finish this meal off real nice.
It helps OAM does not drink any fermented drink or distilled liquor at all. First husband cannot say that about him. Much easier to be angry and stay sober with a drunk some days than to deal with the boredom of life though clear un bloodshot eyes.
I am glad dd stayed and made time for us this evening. It broke up the boredom, the blah of the day. Sons, both of them sent me texts so the day was not bad, I just wanted to view it that way to justify the want to drink now. Hells bells time to go to bed and have an iced coffee before I head off to work. Things will looked different in the morning.
Better head off now.
Night all, You all come back now, you hear,
Ol' Mossback
Today was day 9 of not being off the place except to work one day last week. The Jeep had been back 2 days but dang it as Old Army Man was the one who drove in to town to get away from the place. Left me here to handle things due to this or that. It was okay until I got into the car to take us to town today and found the belt on the auto had broken and the Jeep was not drivable. Drove right back to the house once I figured out there was not going to be a fun day if I drove away from home any father.
DD came to come pick me up and we went to town and purchase such needed items as female pads. Heck, it is a fact of life with an older mother of 3, overweight, who has bladder problems to have a need for the pads. Picked up some mid to medium sized containers to put flours, sugars, oatmeal and such in as the mice have decided to eat their way into all my packaging I had been using. Plastic containers had been breached. New battle plans had to be devised. Now to get spay paint to freshen up the look of some of the old popcorn cans, or to make chalk boards on the bottles to put labels on them.
I right now feel like a beer or wine, beer to get lost, wine to relax and fade into the wood work. I need to work one second at a time one minute at at time to get though this. I have too much invested in being sober to turn tail and run backwards right now. I hate the drinking dreams. Waking up in the sweats hoping it was a dream and not a black out you were waking up from.
Pop is my friend, coffee, tea, juices, and even the awful dreadful thing called water is my friend. Yea laugh but there was times in my life were I had more beer or wine in me than water so give me a break it works to keep me sober. It is the thinking that is the real part I have to work at keeping sane so I don't relapse. Thinking oh it is just okay for one drink, oh it is fine for me today I have deserved it, oh man I could use a cold one right now, wow this meal sure would taste good with a beer or wine would finish this meal off real nice.
It helps OAM does not drink any fermented drink or distilled liquor at all. First husband cannot say that about him. Much easier to be angry and stay sober with a drunk some days than to deal with the boredom of life though clear un bloodshot eyes.
I am glad dd stayed and made time for us this evening. It broke up the boredom, the blah of the day. Sons, both of them sent me texts so the day was not bad, I just wanted to view it that way to justify the want to drink now. Hells bells time to go to bed and have an iced coffee before I head off to work. Things will looked different in the morning.
Better head off now.
Night all, You all come back now, you hear,
Ol' Mossback
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