Fall is coming, you can feel it in the air. The nights are cooler, the leaves have begun to change on the early trees, the garden is packed full surprises, the livestock and wildlife are acting a bit different. Still time to enjoy the sunny days, cool off in the evening to sleep. Then come the last week or two of October all sorts of weather breaks lose.
Now is the time to enjoy the beginning of fall the end of summer, the time of plenty the time of change. More and more things are changing. Heard that my daughter in law (former) dropped my grandchild off at her mothers saying she could not longer care for that child because it acted like my son. Silly girl the grandchild is acting just like her grandpa did at that age. My first husband was smart, keen memories, a planner, a handful, a hell raiser even at 3 years old, the granddaughters age. People asked him if he was the Marlboro man because he looked such the part of a cowboy. The grand child I am speaking of has just been though some things in life that are upsetting. Mom and Dad (she was a daddy's girl) life was crazy due to social choices made, mom was not the Mommy of the Year in many ways, but not harmful physically to her children. What I saw and advised to keep quite about was the language, the music, the movies of gore and violence, the threats of violence even though some of those threats were in jest, how is a child to know?
The big changes started last fall. Violence, restraining orders, jail, kids moved to other grandmothers home, then the divorce which puts emotions into adults let along kids. Putting a restraining order on dad against the mom them mom adding the kids to the restraining order while going though a trying divorce puts things on stressful, drug use, alcohol abuse by the parents and friends, living with the grandmother for months puts a stress on the children, then 2 months later after moving back in with Mommy, finds mom marring a female puts a whole new twist on family life, well, maybe that child has a reason to be acting out. I find myself thinking she tossed the kid out with the dirty water.
Not saying my adult child was doing nothing wrong. He needed to be hung by the short hairs until he recalled he made two children, he promised God and the church he would love and care for them and their momma. He did cared for those kids more though actions than the mother did, was those kids rock in the family. For him to toss it all away on drug & booze with the way he is drawn to them is telling himself a lie each and every minute of the day. He has to get more of his head on straight than he has now to physically care for those kids.
He is the better parent. This is one thing all sets of grandparents agree. He was a great parent to his kids. He did the house work, kept their home, made the meals, dressed those girls, sat on the couch and watched their shows with them, laid on the floor and played kid games with them. He was the one who put them to bed at night, reading them a story, and tucking them in while mom did do the shopping, oh, she liked to shop. She could cook and did often when she wanted something for herself. The mom lost her focus after she started going back to beauty school and losing over 100 lbs from having 2 kids one on top of the other. The path each of the parents has is tough to return to near what they were before drugs, now to not think that you, the parent, did not played some part of those kids of yours being a bit touchy, well, you just have your head in the sand with your arse exposed to the elements.
I know I have been on each side of this issue, the child of, a parent who was, a parent who did not have her arse exposed any longer, the mother that grieved on how she may have made choices she never should have made, I tried very hard not to repeat the same steps my parents to or the grandparents took, but, alas, each generation has been less violence, less hate (maybe) but we still have children who are now effected by our negative actions who are acting out. I was the good girl, but why can no one love me, my bother was the smart with comments to put laughter in the day type person, other brother was the make them laugh athlete. Dad was the smart one who did not get to go to college so he worked his way up though the ranks in not one profession, but several, worked up til his dying day. Mom, she kept the home fires burning in more than one way. Grandmas one side hard working earner, poor her statments, she was so poor due to grandpa, other side I will kill you if you lay another hand on me or the kids. Grandpas one soft artistic, the other hard as nails tough, tougher than tough hard, it is how he made it and could "screw" so many people yet go to bed at night and sleep. Each of these generations had the ups and downs, it rules and changes, but wow to be this way after so many generations of trying not to be that way any longer. Wonder what we have each taught our kids to make them be a less polite and more physical or verbally negative in nature?
Okay so now I have shared a bit of the story of me. Not all fun and games, rather recovery, recover on may fronts still was not enough to keep it from touching the next generation in some way. I have hope that this was stopped early enough that the next generation will not be affected or effected by the nightmare of addiction, domestic violence, and dumb dumb moves that change a life. One hope is out there is of the three only one is showing signs of acting it out, the other two are working hard to keep the tie broken.
Nite You All, Til we meet again,
Ol' Mossback
Now is the time to enjoy the beginning of fall the end of summer, the time of plenty the time of change. More and more things are changing. Heard that my daughter in law (former) dropped my grandchild off at her mothers saying she could not longer care for that child because it acted like my son. Silly girl the grandchild is acting just like her grandpa did at that age. My first husband was smart, keen memories, a planner, a handful, a hell raiser even at 3 years old, the granddaughters age. People asked him if he was the Marlboro man because he looked such the part of a cowboy. The grand child I am speaking of has just been though some things in life that are upsetting. Mom and Dad (she was a daddy's girl) life was crazy due to social choices made, mom was not the Mommy of the Year in many ways, but not harmful physically to her children. What I saw and advised to keep quite about was the language, the music, the movies of gore and violence, the threats of violence even though some of those threats were in jest, how is a child to know?
The big changes started last fall. Violence, restraining orders, jail, kids moved to other grandmothers home, then the divorce which puts emotions into adults let along kids. Putting a restraining order on dad against the mom them mom adding the kids to the restraining order while going though a trying divorce puts things on stressful, drug use, alcohol abuse by the parents and friends, living with the grandmother for months puts a stress on the children, then 2 months later after moving back in with Mommy, finds mom marring a female puts a whole new twist on family life, well, maybe that child has a reason to be acting out. I find myself thinking she tossed the kid out with the dirty water.
Not saying my adult child was doing nothing wrong. He needed to be hung by the short hairs until he recalled he made two children, he promised God and the church he would love and care for them and their momma. He did cared for those kids more though actions than the mother did, was those kids rock in the family. For him to toss it all away on drug & booze with the way he is drawn to them is telling himself a lie each and every minute of the day. He has to get more of his head on straight than he has now to physically care for those kids.
He is the better parent. This is one thing all sets of grandparents agree. He was a great parent to his kids. He did the house work, kept their home, made the meals, dressed those girls, sat on the couch and watched their shows with them, laid on the floor and played kid games with them. He was the one who put them to bed at night, reading them a story, and tucking them in while mom did do the shopping, oh, she liked to shop. She could cook and did often when she wanted something for herself. The mom lost her focus after she started going back to beauty school and losing over 100 lbs from having 2 kids one on top of the other. The path each of the parents has is tough to return to near what they were before drugs, now to not think that you, the parent, did not played some part of those kids of yours being a bit touchy, well, you just have your head in the sand with your arse exposed to the elements.
I know I have been on each side of this issue, the child of, a parent who was, a parent who did not have her arse exposed any longer, the mother that grieved on how she may have made choices she never should have made, I tried very hard not to repeat the same steps my parents to or the grandparents took, but, alas, each generation has been less violence, less hate (maybe) but we still have children who are now effected by our negative actions who are acting out. I was the good girl, but why can no one love me, my bother was the smart with comments to put laughter in the day type person, other brother was the make them laugh athlete. Dad was the smart one who did not get to go to college so he worked his way up though the ranks in not one profession, but several, worked up til his dying day. Mom, she kept the home fires burning in more than one way. Grandmas one side hard working earner, poor her statments, she was so poor due to grandpa, other side I will kill you if you lay another hand on me or the kids. Grandpas one soft artistic, the other hard as nails tough, tougher than tough hard, it is how he made it and could "screw" so many people yet go to bed at night and sleep. Each of these generations had the ups and downs, it rules and changes, but wow to be this way after so many generations of trying not to be that way any longer. Wonder what we have each taught our kids to make them be a less polite and more physical or verbally negative in nature?
Okay so now I have shared a bit of the story of me. Not all fun and games, rather recovery, recover on may fronts still was not enough to keep it from touching the next generation in some way. I have hope that this was stopped early enough that the next generation will not be affected or effected by the nightmare of addiction, domestic violence, and dumb dumb moves that change a life. One hope is out there is of the three only one is showing signs of acting it out, the other two are working hard to keep the tie broken.
Nite You All, Til we meet again,
Ol' Mossback
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