Traveling

I love the seeing of new places, things, events.  We traveled down to a national dog final event over the weekend.  Silly us we thought we would be without dogs so we took swim suits, camera, things like that.  Alas a pup ended up not liking the new owners so we had a pup all weekend.  Now the pup is a good gal that was not the problem.  She road well, no messes in the crate, no real barking to speak of, but it was when we left the hotel room we needed to have her with us and if we went anywhere we needed to keep her in the shade or our arms. 

We road down Friday, nice drive, along some routes I had not been on in years.  I had an enjoyable time traveling.  Then Friday night the drop off the pups night went well with one family and not so well with the other.  You know things can get ugly if people get money between friendships.   This caused some ugly.  Must say I thought we did well.  This gal wanted the pup prodded, hassled, and maneuvered us into saving this one pup for her two weeks longer than the other people who wanted pup picked up their pups.  One thing after another kept our auto in the shop.  We were without wheels time and time again.  Much of what we had planned did not get done in a timely manner.  This was a pits for me as I had wanted shots, etc done way before we left.  We had even lost the toe nail clippers so there was on more grump they buyers had, sharp nails.  Then for her to back out not a happy camper I was for a while. 

It has been along time sense we have had a weekend with just one dog.  I now recall how and why I wanted to raise these dogs.  Smart, loving, humorous, playfulness and that is just me towards these dogs.  OAM goes gaga over the pups.  OAM the reason he is so loved comes out when he is with pups.    Gentle, loving, kid-like behavior of a OAM is nice to see.  His stress decreased.  The little girl pup is now back home with us.  We will make the call on what to do with her leaning towards putting her back on the market, but jeez it would be nice to have room to keep her alas for me to be selfish is not fair to the new owner let that person enjoy the forthcoming puppy breath. 

Travel home was going to be filled with pictures but the camera went dead.  Bummer to the max as the birds were in the fall migration for some.  White swans, terns, and a few ocean birds were seen also. 

The trip back found OAM, dear daughter, and myself sitting around the table sharing things that had happened over the weekend.  I think this may have been the best time of the weekend.  Family, sharing time, laughter, happiness, gladness were felt by all.  It was good.  Take care now, see you next time, Ol Mossback.

 

Recovery Coffee

Today my son has 30 days in recovery.  Today I have 22 yrs, 9 months, and 18 days in recovery.  This son of mine thinks I am full of it and not really all that bad.  Hate to live though bad as what I lived though was enough for me.  More than enough for anyone's lifetime.  I can remember thinking Coffee AWFUL stuff at meetings. 

Then I started to use it was more of a hand warmer than a drink.  Something to do with my hands.  That helped.  Coffee is cheaper than drinking Beer or at least it was back when I stopped.  Use to be able to buy a months worth of coffee for less than $10 dollars.  Yea and way back then I use to have only $10 per week for my husband's cigs.  Times have changed.   Coffee at meetings use to be better at some locations than others.  In the town I went to most of the meetings were in one location so the same coffee was used for all the meetings at that location. 

Once I found the cup I liked I took one to meetings.  The cup was tallish, large enough around to put my hands, while keeping them warm.  I started buying myself mugs for coffee and tea.  I like some mugs for camping, others for tea for my break on a spring day.  Other cups were for summer take outside and leave them or winter keep the coffee warm in the greenhouse, then there were some for other hot drinks like warm eggnog or herb teas for the evenings in the winter by the hearth.  Then we built a home without a fireplace or wood stove.  Oh, how I was living the good life.  No wood to haul, no wood to stack, no wood to split, not having to have a wood shed was a big deal to me.   No more boots to dry and care for after we did the wood run.  Oh the freedom, I felt. 

I lived.  I learned how much coffee to drink. 

Yea, had to learn not to drink too much coffee, then I had to wean myself off coffee after I married Old Army Man as he likes the smell of coffee, but will not drink the stuff or kiss me if I have been drinking the stuff.  I liked my morning kisses so I just let coffee fall to the wayside.   I do drink coffee during tax season as well, I need to be awake and up and going for hours on end.  The drugs I take for ailments have me sleeping 10-11 hours a day without coffee to keep me from napping.  I start to creep up on my cups of coffee until I get a bit jittery then I need to back off and tell the boss, hey I need to sleep here. 

 

I miss having coffee around a campfire of an evening or early morning.  I miss the scout troop I use to go camping with also.  The leader was a bear of a man, big, loud, funny, loved to show the kids how things were done before the turn of the century.  The kids made rope, started fires with simple things one could find or had in your pockets in the woods.  How to cook and how to love the outdoors.  They went so many places, they had so much fun on the rafting trips, the summer camps where they had horse camps and night rides camp outs.  These activities kept me sober.  I learned to live a life with out bars, beer, and drugs.  Real friends not drinking buddies, not drinking because I was sad I had no real friends any longer. 

 

What does coffee mean to me?  Coffee is hope.  Coffee means a future.  Coffee means loving behavior, caring behavior, kindness in a cup.  The smell of coffee in the morning as Grandma who raised me in the summers as I was growing up was so refreshing.  It was the love I felt, the being cared for by someone who took the time to care for me.  Not because she had to, but because she wanted me to learn how to be like her.  I learned to work yarn to the smell of coffee, I learn to embroidery to the smell of coffee.  I learned to pack a lunch to the smell of coffee.  I learned to do the banking and the books to the smell of coffee.  Coffee smell is so refreshing at times.   Can you feel it hugging you when you enter a room after not smelling coffee for a while?  Me too. 

 I started to drink coffee while in college.  My parents did not drink coffee.  I now drink coffee in fancy glasses, mugs, paper cups, plastic cups, iced in heavy tall cups. 

 

I would love to say coffee solved so many problems.  I had stopped drinking.  Less problems of my own making thank the Lord!  That did not clean up the mess I had made in my life or the mess less messy.  I cleaned up some of my messes, some I out lived.  Others just went away before I got around to cleaning them up.  I took one son to Eagle Scout, one to Life.  I learned my way with my sons and though those men who were men more than I think my sons did.  I learned what a man should do and how he acted.  How he took the good and the bad and did not hit/kick, batter strike kick out of bed, yell at, leave blame the wife for the problems.  It was eye opening as my first cup of coffee in the morning. 

Learned men could drink or not drink for months or even years.  I learned these men liked coffee but did not drink it 24/7 like my first husband did during his sober attempts.  I learned a great deal more about what a man should do then maybe I wanted as I was upset by how my roll models and male leadership roles where jerks more than men at times.  Eye opening to say the least.  I now go out on a cool morning with my tin cup in hand to keep those hands warm, the cup does not break and I can put it anywhere and the livestock really have not broken it yet like they have the plastic mugs.   I hope to keep up the good things I learned.  I learned what I wanted in a husband so when the first husband died I knew there was more to life than what I had in the first marriage.   Good yes there was some, bad lots of that, sad even more sadness for hopes lost, decades lost, joy dampened down.  Now it all is different because I learned to pick a man who respects me, loves me thick or thin-physically, emotionally or financially- I am loved.  I get treated like a queen and the hurt has gone away.  I cannot get back those years I lost to drinking, but I can live my life forward one day at a time.  My dream of a small farm, a loving husband, dogs asleep at my feet, cows in the fields.  Chickens on order, ducks in their duck run area.  Greenhouse part way built, garden tunnels supplies on the ground.  I am living.  I am alive.  To think I started with a Coffee in my hands. 

 

Thank you for your time.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for me for being me today. 

 

Take care and you all come back now you hear. 

 

Ol' Mossback

 

 

 

 

 

 



Getting back to more of a normal day

Last night we got the car back.  Wow thought we would have gotten more done without us being gone as often.  Trick was on me, as I just am not as fast as I use to be.   I was happy to spend time with my husband, however it was good to let him go all by himself to go pick up the Jeep.  We had a friend visit just as hubby got home.  We spent the twilight talking and showing off stuff around the place.

Today we spent the day being old folks who need to get to know each other better.  Rekindled kindness, respect, and caring in our relationship.  Not sex so much as caring for the others limits, kindness in not expecting the world to shatter just because we were wild and crazy rather because we cared for each other's emotions, telling the other they still were desirable even over 50, less hair, more body weight, more wrinkles, less energy, slower to the take off, quicker to fail at times due to medications and life events.  It is not easy keeping a marriage on track.  Hopes dreams help, desire to be with your friend helps, fear of being alone is part of the make up of our marriage.  We have both been alone and knew going into this we were not 20 anymore but we wanted to make the commitment to each other as we had entered that age when children start to fly the nest life was a changing for my whole family at that time.  I had been a widow for a while after watching my first husband drink then added drugging himself to death.  His body just gave up trying to fight the fight and started to rot from the inside out.  This husband did nor has he ever be angry with me to the point of walking out, leaving me to clear his head, hitting me to get his way, or to even raise his voice to cuss me out.  He will say Whoa and that means please stop I am getting to angry we will talk more in a few minutes when I cool down a bit.  Now me I go off and cuss, say cutting words, even fuss and bussle about things.  Hubby now he see the trouble I have worked myself up to and he takes the time to either talk to me in a smooth calm voice or he gives me space to blow off steam then we talk.   Today's cuddle time was a renewal of all the good times we have had and want to have.  Time to talk, time to value the other, time to renew hopes and dreams in a safe place, safe manner, safe environment, in loving arms which have no age limits.   Cleaned up small problems between each other, talked of future, talked of where we wanted to go over the next few weeks in short comfortable manner.  It was safe and now our relationship is on better footing. 

My kids do not understand why I like this man, why I love him.  The safety OAM beings me compared to the first husband is miles apart.  He loves me without fear of what others think.  He is loved for his actions, words, and deeds.  He even attends church with me.  The value of that is priceless.  My heart opens to him each and every day.  He is real, knows himself, is not the most handsome like the first husband was but inside he is golden.  Just simply golden for me and he trys to love my kids as much as they will let themselves be open to him. 

Hubby went to town for a bit after we did some chores, then we had another visitor tonight.  A man looking for a new LGD (livestock Guard Dog).  WE need to rehome ours before she loses her instinct and wants to only guard the home and not the goats.  This sir has a herd of goats and Quince loves goats.  Dan brought dinner home a Big Carl from Carl's Jr.  I had fun eating someone else's cooking.  I had forgotten to eat breakfast or lunch did have a iced coffee.  I cut up some apples for dessert.  Now to see about getting a cable box converter so we can get TV from the on air stations if we can. 

It is getting late and I need to start tomorrow a bit earlier than we started today plus I want to read some before going to sleep. 

I will write more soon,

Take Care and come back soon,

Ol' Mossback

 

Retro life without a car

Remember way back, back when you had to ask to be taken somewhere.  Back when you were very young?  I do.  I lived in a small town of less than 500 people.  It was a mixture of loggers and wood products mill workers with a few tradesmen and farmers mixed in.  Some had wife's that ran small local stores, others had farms they came home to after work so they worked the land.  Most were church going, almost all drank, many had large families to support.  Kids did what kids did, play outside from morning wake-up to dusk with breaks for meals and school.  There were only 5 TV channels to watch.  CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, and a local independent station which showed old shows and movies with a kids show with cartoons on for us kiddies.

This week has been something like that for us.  Ruku for TV, no cable as Comcast went all digital and we do not have TVs that have built in converters and we never were able to get converters back when the feds were sending out vouchers as the stores were always out when we would go to get them.  Now once again we are waiting to see if there are any converters on the shelves.  Each time we go in the converters are sold out.  The prices we can find online do seem good until you  add on the $13+ dollar shipping charges.  Alas I am also without a car.  Our pick-up did a smashing wreck last February and we used the check to pay off property taxes which are high here in Oregon.  We have had the Jeep which has done us well as OAM is not to be driving much with his health anyway.  Now to stay at home where the nearest store is 3 miles away, the nearest store of size is 6 miles away.  We stocked up.  Our daughter did come out Friday to take OAM to the back, the local discount dented can and deli store and Walmart for dog food.  I had hoped to go to Wilco and get chicks this week did not happen, To go get some furniture to paint and fix up what I have,  go get some plywood to fix my furniture I have currently.  Then to start looking for areas to paint one thing at a time with so this house is livable again. 

We have gotten things done we would not have if not home.   Dogs trained, showers cleaned, bathrooms cleaned (this is saying alot when you have 4 bathroom and 5 showers)  Yes who ever built this house made one room that was just for wheel chair showers.  The kittens were named.  There have been many a night going to bed earlier getting up earlier.  We like each  other so time together has been good.  Meals have been so so as I am still working on that kitchen.  The dogs helped yesterday while we were out training dogs.  The dogs inside tore into the ww flour, the bread flour, the standard flour, and some of the sugars.  Dan now understands about me needing storage containers not only to keep mice out of but to store supplies in the kitchen. 

It has been hard for me to start my life over here in this house it just called to me but I am having trouble finding a way to make it a home.  It has been 7 years I thought I would have figured it out by now but there has been so much to overcome or do first.  Kids moving in and out, illnesses, injuries, and diseases took their toll, plus a lack or hope we would ever live here long enough to make it a home.  Well looks like this will be the homeplace no matter what at least for a decade or two more.  Time to get my head out of the sand and make this place work.  One thing at a time.  Kitchen counters too low will figure out if you can get new cabinets or raise the one's you have or do you say hell lets move the kitchen into the stick built side and gut the trailer house part as it is only a third of the square footage anyway.  Like I said one step at a time we will face the foes and meet them head on. 

I am off to go see if I can work some magic into the kitchen as I want to move some shelves, in and out and out to in, wash and tag them all if I can.  I want to see life come back into this place so it can be a home.  Those calves we let friends put on our place well they sure make a place feel like a home now to bring that feeling into this house.  Pictures maybe soon. 

Take care now you hear,

Ol' Mossback Tough

New week starts with Labor Day Holiday

This week starts with a holiday.  Thus giving a relaxing day followed by four how come it feels like this day of the week when it is this day of the week days.  Once the weekend gets her things often go back to a more normal until then well we have this or that day to make it though.  The list of today's for this week covers the front and back of an envelope.  We sat down at dinner last night and made the list as getting older we found this helps us keep on task a bit better. 

Today will be a day to go see a friend or two while working dogs.  Dan and I will go down towards Eugene, Oregon and spend some time working young dogs with our trainer.  The plans are to spend some time working the dogs then to come home to make a ham dinner.  Sounds good to me.

Last night OAM went and got an electric mouse thing, he plugged it in within minutes 5 mice ran out though the hole in the wall out of the kitchen.  He was so happy had rushed in to tell me about how well his find had worked on running out the mice.  Okay but still have the cats now to deal with.  Beanie and Cicle are the kitten's names.  Seems that OAM is training them to use the litter box, he even cleaned the litter box out.  For this I am very thankful, praise the Lord, pass the potatoes happy. 

Better go make up some side dishes and put the ham into the oven on time bake.  Thinking side dishes to be pickled beets,  roasted garden veggies -tomatoes, zuke, onion, carrots, and herbs, jello salad maybe with fruit, and watermelon for something sweet.  Might even bake a cake if I get time. 

Take Care, enjoy your holiday,

Ol' Mossback
 

At least the dogs liked dinner!

I had such great hope for dinner tonight, easy, microwave meal of food we both love.  Alas somehow I missed the boat.  Two plates needed rather than the one large platter was the first error.  2nd error, hubby not relating finger food with dinner.  3rd error,  not making another dish hubby related as a meal. 

I like nacho dinners now and then.  Not asking for monthly or weekly, but a couple times a year just to feel out of the mold of this is dinner-meat or meat base casserole, salad, side dish carbs.  I like dinner salads, soups, and stews for dinners.  Husband thinks of these as starter courses.   Now there are some things he likes that I just never have had or he finds he enjoys, but for the most part he has boundaries on what he thinks dinner is and expects it in his head.  He does not mean to be so set however he is very set in his way of thinking in many ways.   There is a reason I relate to him as Old Army Man.  Rules were rules to guild you though situations all you had to find was the right book to guide you.   Someone from above sent down the orders then others took and gave those orders into orders of action.  Old Army Man was midway up the chain so he was one who did take and do some delegating however he was also low enough on the pole to feel some of the dirt run down hill now and again. 

Maybe it is just because he is in his last week of classes in community college after being out of college 3 decades that he is grumpy.  Now getting those brain cells to open up to today's education system with computers, wireless systems, phones that have more power than we ever would have hoped to have in our lifetime power.  Remember the first time you walked and talked on a wireless phone.  I can recall having to sit by the phone and having a three foot cord with a 6 minute time limit or the phone company kicked you off the line no matter who you were talking to or why unless it was long distance than they loved charging you for long distance.  You know long distance like the town 8 miles away.   Yea I am on old piece of shoe leather.  I had to learn to use a party line phone with an operated on it when I first learned to use the phone.  Silly to think now I can 750 miles away and call my kids up and them not even know I am out of state.  

Progress is good do not get me wrong.  I had a mammogram yesterday.  I have odd shaped breasts in that they are not small two three picture each side breast.  5 positions latter on each side and at the angled view I am leaving.  No pain, no long term smashing of the tissue, no hour to be in the odd positions.  The pictures they can do now are wow.  I was loving it.  A course I was having a heat flash so I stunk up to high heaven.  Poor gal taking the shots had to get up close to me several times.  I had showered just minutes prior to getting into the car so I could be fresh and clean for the mammogram.  The best laid plans of mice and men went out the door.  Big heavy set ladies who are more round than tall in their 50's do have BO even on the best of times if they are hot, no a/c in auto, warm day, and having a heat flash.  I had water dripping off my face so bad I had to wipe my face several times during the 20 minutes it took to take the images. 

Cancer was the cause of death for both of my grandmothers you would think I would be more aware of things.  I become overwhelmed by thinking to much on the topic.  I have eaten home raised foods for the most part of my life until I went to work and stopped canning, freezing, and other methods of food preserving.   Well this gets to deep if I go where this is leading we will cover this topic in later posts I am sure it will come up again. Eating right well for who you are happens to be a topic I can talk on for hours. 


Thanks for your time, enjoy the rest of the week.  Until we meet again. 

Old Mossback. 

Finding a job at over 50

Today went well. How was your day?  Old Army man felt well enough to drive himself today.  He took it easy, did not push it.  His army disability is paying for him to attend local community college 3/4 time.  He has a long way to go to be finished however he has a goal and hope of working again which at 55 plus may be a punishment or a blessing.  He wants to work the farm so bad yet the pain will not go away if he is on his feet too much plus right now he is just under so many what if's from the doctors that we are falling the rehabs line of hope along with maybe he can work again some day.  In our area of the country people 55 just do not seem to be hired then again just a few months ago unemployment was over 11% county wide with our area of the county closer to 17%.   We live in a large Oregon County. 

Ever tried to rethink your life and it's goals.  I work a 12 step program, have for 22 plus years now.  My word it is hard. Sometime I have to adjust my life dreams and hopes to be more real other times I just need to allow myself to be in the moment, forgive myself.  Experience starts to become an issue as you have too much,  employment agencies state you should be looking at these types of jobs-high pay, leadership, jobs like state workers have and paid as good or better than them, yea right.   In all the years I have looked no one I mean no one has said gee whiz girl you are too cute, able bodied, or too athletic to have this job.  Rather I get well you are over qualified, ( you must be old) your are just not what we are looking for ( combo-not a knock out beauty, too fat, I am so fat it scares them, they see their insurance rates going up because of age, weight, or conditions), best of all is the I wish I knew of someone hiring cause you have so much to offer someone however you just will not fit in here.  (See above).  I have had people hire me nearly sight unseen, they have loved my work once they got past the oh my she is heavy, old, gray haired hum, or other reservations.  I have gotten great responses from them however seems these jobs just did not work out due to the changing economic climate in most cases.  So I now work a job that requires someone in my state to hold a licence's to work at that job.  I only work tax season but it is a job that does not pay out right well but better than any other I have been offered in the past 5 years.  About 10 years ago I started looking for something to be a second "job" one of my own making say a business I could work at between tax seasons.   I had several things I was researching when I meet my husband and well farming came back as an option. 

I attended Oregon State took courses which would have lead me to be an agriculture extension agent related work.  Alas 18 months after I had gotten my diploma the state started changing how or who they hired.  I needed a Masters degree to even apply.  Shot here I was two kids in diapers, drink unemployed abusive carpenter husband #1, who had been told by the college when I went back 3 yrs later I needed to update my college skills before entering the masters program.  I had a 12 day old baby when I walked down the concourse to get my degree handed to me.  Seems all those job apps I had been applying for just did not know how to take my degree.  I am holding anger over choices I made.  I have drank over them plus other choices I have made.  Seemed each time I started to make headway something got in the way.  It took years but I know now I need to be the one making my way in the world not asking people to make my way in the world.  I make my own way.  Not something corp America likes to hear, drives my boss nuts during tax season as I am a bit of a maverick.  I can read his reports he allows us to read, I had economics, business, and math, along with social insight classes.  I have read the results of the reports as I see them and being able to read some of the writing on the wall.  I have had to learn to wait to respond to the boss when I work for others.  I love the freedom to work for myself there are months I earn more working for myself then I do working for the "man" however I still am not sure enough to go it alone without the  safety net of a job to help cover the expenses most of the year. 

I like doing it on my own. Being the one who knows the market, advertises, does sales, research which can be the best side of this being self employed equation.  Then there is the promotion of my bit of heaven.  Dog trails, livestock auctions, the everyday wonderful God bless them real people.  No one trying to stab me in the back in the next office, no one telling me Not to go there, but watching to see if it works.   I can name many ways not to raise sheep in the Willamette Valley.  I can tell you dozen of ways how not treat to allow your livestock guard dog to behave or acts one should not allow them to see.  I can tell you which types of goats I am liking and willing to spend time around.  I learned I miss the smell of a horse on the place.  Calves can cause as much laughter as baby lambs.   I don't get to hold the calves as long on my lap as I do the lambs but then again calves are not as often coming into the house looking for me like the goats and sheep do.  Chickens are great.  Ducks actions bring smiles.  Geese can eat loads of grass.  Things I find heart warming.  Grand kids love to feed the baby livestock, run around seeing all the sights we have on our small acreage.  I love my ATV plan and simple. 

Better go now.  I have spent the day removing mouse droppings as I moved things around on the pantry shelves finding 3 places those buggers have chewed though the wall to get into that room.  Old metal shelves where on the floor moving and cleaning those not fun.  Taking the time to sort out old stuff, do I need that in here questions, and just adjusting life to live it a bit better.  Need to go into town and get some drywall maybe steel wool so these mice will not chew back though the walls where I patch.

Old Moss had better go finish this blog as it is nearly 10 pm and I work in the morning. 

I have started my blog. Now what?

Mossback Tough starts today with a bite of freedom for a change.  These last three years has had me driving more than riding with my husband places.  Old army man has had better days leaving me to test each morning to see how the wind blows with him.  Why you may ask am I calling myself Mossback Tough?  A mossback is an old bull that has been around so much he has moss growing on him.  Well I am tough, I feel the weather more now than decades ago, I have been tested time and again, plus I just keep going for one reason or another. 

Leaving in Western Oregon I have owned clothing left out in the spring or fall that has growing moss on it.  When I lived in the coast range I would leave college in the morning pulling old man's beard moss down to get into the car under the oak trees then on the way back I would have to stop somedays and pull the old's man's beard moss off the tree limbs so I could get back to the small cabin we lived in back them.  28 acres of timberland with a 3 acre field and a two acre house and garden area around the small old wood heated cabin in the woods that had a small barn we had to pass by to get home.  There were streams to cross and miles of unpaved roads to travel to get home each night after work.  We raised over an acre of garden, a few head of sheep, a few horses, and trouble of our own doing back then by the time we had two children I had finish college, the depression of the 80's and the spotted owl forced us out of the cabin and into city living.  Strange what things like pizza delivery and a store closer than 7 miles away can do to a lifestyle.

I hope to cover tough times and hope of recovery, life and death, today and yesterday, not sure what I need to say just that I am to do this blog.  I will stumble, fall not sure it will go anywhere lets just say for now it is mine.  Something I must do for myself. 

I will try and find from time to time things I do that lead to a better life, follow our improvents on our bank repo we purchased, our animals, our goals, children and grandchildren, things that make life go around be it church events, cowboy life, or things that move me. 

Come back soon you here in the mean time Take Care,  Mossback